April 27, 2020
Ever get that gnawing feeling inside, like something isn’t quite right? Well that was happening to me more and more, but I didn’t really take the time to delve into it.
Until recently, that is.
See, Regan and I pray out loud together 5 times a day: before each meal, before our daughter Everly goes to bed (start ‘em young), and before we sleep. It was during those times that the gnawing started. But, as is usual, the little indicates a much bigger issue.
I started noticing that all my “out loud” prayers were a need of something—God protect my family during this crazy time. Heal my friend. Make the weather nice. Help Everly to sleep well so I can sleep well. God, do this for me, do that…
That was a lot of what my spoken prayer life was like. And that didn’t sit well with me. But soon I realized that it was a reflection of my current private prayer life. This is what my relationship had come down to. …Dang.
And as I was pondering it, I realized that’s what a selfish child sounds like. Mom, do this. Mom, I need this. Mom, help me with this. Do this for me. Blah blah blah...it’s all about me, me, me.
If I’m being THAT to GOD??—it kinda made my stomach churn. That is definitely not the kind of prayer life I want.
Don’t get me wrong, He loves it when we ask for things. We are supposed to. Again and again it’s in scripture:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.
He’s a Father who loves His children. He wants us to go to Him with our requests. But that’s not the only thing He wants.
I imagine if it was a friend coming to me only when they needed something--not being thankful, not having conversation, nothing—just do this for me (even with a “please”), I think I’d be hurt. Probably frustrated. Annoyed. …
And I think about God—ME doing that to God… I just see Him as being hurt. HE can do so much more for us, WANTS so much more for us. But we just give Him the bare minimum, the (selfish) requests. He wants to give life abundantly, not just whatever we want. But that’s all we ask of Him. JUST DO THIS. It’s not right. It doesn’t seem fair.
He wants to spend time with us, He wants to tell us things. He wants that conversation. That’s what the relationship is about. How much am I missing out because I’m just asking and not listening. How much LIFE am I missing out because I won’t take the time to listen to what he WANTS to tell me. Things about myself, about growth, about my motives, anything! If I’m not checking in with Him, what am I doing? How am I living my life? Yeah sure, I can live it in a nice, easy, comfortable way, but that’s probably not life FULFILLED.
That’s not what I want.
Father, help me (ha, another request!) to take time to listen.
To see what’s on your heart.
To be still.
To see what Your Word says.
To worship you.
To remind myself of who You are.
To say it out. Praise it out. Sing it out.
Because you’re worth all that.
You’re worth my time.
You’re worth being on my mind.
-Your selfish child